The Trump Campaign announced today it has secured the services of the iconic American performer known as That Drunk Guy Who’s Always At Karaoke By Himself to sing during the Presidential Inauguration on January 20th.
After initially struggling to find willing celebrities, Trump says he is delighted to have someone as well-known as That Drunk Guy Who’s Always At Karaoke By Himself celebrating the start of his administration.
“You don’t get any more American than That Drunk Guy Who’s Always At Karaoke By Himself. Love that guy!”
The performance is expected to include covers versions of AC/DC’s ‘You shook me all night long’, Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ On a Prayer’, something vaguely inspired by the chorus from ‘My Humps’ by the Black Eyed Peas, and Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I will Survive’ sung in a highly idiosyncratic style that manages be inspiringly inclusive and deeply homophobic all at the same time.
Rumors of a duet with Jackie Evancho remain unconfirmed at this time, though organizers say they would not be surprised if That Drunk Guy Who’s Always At Karaoke By Himself approaches Evancho during the National Anthem and implores her in between brief flashes of anger to join him in singing ‘You’re The One That I Want’ from the musical Grease.
“That’s how he rolls.”