Trump Declares Victory After Reaching 270 By Eating Burgers All Day

(The White House) During a speech delivered in the Press Briefing room, President Trump today declared an unambiguous victory in the Presidential election after comfortably clearing the 270 hurdle earlier this afternoon.

“Despite being recently afflicted by COVID – which set me back a good twenty pounds – I can report I have now attained the required threshold of 270 and then some.”

Trump reportedly achieved his convincing victory in the Oval Office after a ‘marathon’ session eating his favorite fast foods. Political observers says this is an impressive result even by historical standards.

“Just one look at Biden tells you Trump’s won this by a landslide

HELP KEEP THE SATIRE COMING!

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