Saying his heart was with the Fighting Irish, President Trump has demanded an immediate investigation in how one of the nation’s finest college football programs could have burned to the ground.
“I have put everything else on the backburner since learning Notre Dame is on fire, and have ordered FEMA to give the NCAA all the assistance they need.”
Trump also pledged to host any of the survivors at the White House for the best dining experience of their lives.
“We’re talking McDonalds, Arbys, KFC, and Pizza Hut.”
He also said he was touched to hear that his French counterpart, Emmanuel Macron, was greatly distressed at what had transpired.
“I would only have expected him to be this upset if it were a soccer team given that’s what they play over there, but it’s a wonderful gesture on his part. Great friend!”