Just days after effectively securing the Republican nonimation by appealing to the worst instincts of its base, Donald Trump has defied the consensus that he cannot prevail in the general election.
Polls showed he had little chance in a nationwide ballot, but no-one reckoned on him transforming the situation at a stroke by grabbing the sizable Hispanic constituency with a tweet of him approvingly eating an inauthentic Mexican dish.
Trump left nothing to chance and also added “I love Hispanics!” – with the cleverly deployed exclamation mark ensuring that the community he has demonized as lazy rapists up to this point will be there for him in November.
Next Trump plans to adroitly court the Muslim community by instagramming himself refusing a beer and a plate of tasty sausages, and for extra insurance he will introduce the country to a dear friend of his called Mustafa, who coincidentally happens to depend on Trump for his livelihood.
When asked how he plans to repair the rift between him and the female electorate, Trump replied that he didn’t need to because women already love him, as should be obvious from the amount of p***y he gets.