President Trump has responded to criticisms that he doesn’t know how NATO works by directing the Department of Defense to come up with a clear and simple option for countries to pay for the protection the America military behemoth provides them.

The plan, which is to be modeled on the mobile phone service provider Cricket, is designed to allow small Baltic States to afford limited military protection tailored to their needs while providing bigger counties with comprehensive defense capabilities.

Sovereign nations can choose from basic plans to repel a minor paramilitary incursion, all the way up to an attack upon them being considered an attack on American soil, in which case full retaliation* via land, sea, and air is covered.

Countries can rent equipment, or, if on a budget, can supply their own military hardware and personnel to be integrated into a streamlined chain of command – however they should call first to verify their equipment and training is eligible.

Those countries who are not members of NATO can sign up too, but are not able to avail of the generous discount program. The plan is strictly ‘Pay As You Go’, and any country not up to date will be left at the mercy of their enemies even if only a day late.

Those interested are asked to visit the www.WhiteHouse.gov for more details.

(*Note: surcharges apply for nuclear strikes.)