Former President Donald Trump returned to Washington today to honor the first anniversary of the January 6th riot he orchestrated with a pipe-bomb-laying ceremony on the steps of the U.S. Capitol. In a brief speech Trump paid tribute to those who fought so hard for the cause of undoing democracy.

“I wish the brave patriots involved in this solemn event could be here with me today, but alas they didn’t make it and are now in federal custody.”

Joining Trump was his Vice-President, Mike Pence, who gave a moving rendition of how his boss’s supporters tried to kill him on that fateful day.

“Their passion for treason and trying to hang me on a gallows until I was dead will not be forgotten.”

Afterwards, Trump laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Covidiot, where he spoke movingly of the fallen.

“They paid the ultimate sacrifice by refusing the vaccine in the name of owning the libs.”