Trump Orders Americans To Stop Eating Chinese Food

After already ordering US Companies to stop working with China as part of his escalating trade war, President Trump has hit on the idea of punishing the PROC further by demanding United States citizens give up egg rolls and sweet and sour chicken.

I hereby order all Americans to eat McDonalds and KFC instead.”

Worried fans of Korean BBQ were assured they were safe from any future bans – especially if they made sure it was done in the northern style – while sushi afficionados are closely watching developments.

“But as for General Tso’s it’s a big NO!”

Constitutional lawyers have already suggested this is a wild overreach by the White House.

“Just as there is an implicit right to privacy in the Constitution, there is also one to Peking Duck or whatever you prefer from that cuisine.”

The President further added that any Jews eating Chinese on Christmas Day are disloyal. Jewish leaders were outraged that one of their precious rituals was attacked in this way.

We were going to demand an investigation into why we as a group were singled out until we realized – Trump!”

Meanwhile extreme leftists said they approve of Trump’s action in this case, despite being bitterly opposed to him most of the time.

“This wretched cultural appropriation whereby young white males air drum Led Zeppelin with chopsticks will finally be stopped.”

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20 Comments on "Trump Orders Americans To Stop Eating Chinese Food"

  1. This is an Cact of resist, trump wanna bring back slave trad, but it won’t work for him,he is a davil messanger
    Fuck dat shit who think he can control the world,

  2. Can’t believe asshole even take the time to write this crap.

  3. Icosadodecahedron | August 27, 2019 at 11:02 am | Reply

    Sorry to say it, but you’ve eaten the onion. This is a satire article. However, I do confess that it sounds completely possible. This administration takes yet another step closer to insanity; real life is REALLY indistinguishable from satire. And I thought it couldn’t get much more estranged than it was a few weeks ago.

    • Icosadodecahedron | August 27, 2019 at 11:12 am | Reply

      Carefully consider your news sources. If you can’t even do that, you’re not many steps above The Boy Who Cried Fake News w/ Fox and Friends. Obviously, this article pokes fun at how ridiculous it is to simply ORDER American businesses to stop using China as a market or to manufacture, etc. by drawing a comparison to something the everyday citizen can relate to. But the point of the satire, as with any article, should be to provoke discussion and serious criticism, not inspire hatred. Properly inform your opinions and you will be a better citizen.

  4. Michelle woodhouse | August 27, 2019 at 9:22 am | Reply

    People Donald Trump is the most idiotic, moronic president we’ve ever had he insults everyone he meets. Has no idea about American History. Now he’s telling us not to eat a food that is not really from China Somebody please get this moron out of the White House before he embarasses himself further.

  5. Can this dumbass screw up anything else? He screwed up America the minute he took office.

  6. Trump is bi-polar either sociopathic tendencies.

    He needs help.

    He is unfit for duty, and always has been.

    Amendment 25.

  7. WOW…..There is so much Fear driving all the Anger!!!!


    When your not driven by fear of what hasn’t happened, you will then be able to…..Enjoy the increased stock market, your 401K, the pay increases, etc.

  8. An Actual American | August 27, 2019 at 12:20 am | Reply

    Fuck Donald “The Annoying Orange” Trump! I’m going to do everything he “Asks” us not to do, just to see if he gets any more Orange in the face. Maybe someone will wack that dumb blonde zombie toupee off of his freaking fat schmuck head.

  9. Fuck this dumb man , you can’t control what the fuck we want to eat. Honestly you properly eat Chinese food too. If you asked us to not eat Chinese food. how about we ask you to get the fuck out of White House

  10. Ima Baggashidt | August 26, 2019 at 9:18 pm | Reply

    Fucking morons. Too stupid to understand satire. It’s the subtitle of the blog for christ’s sake. We’re doomed as a society. Fucking idiots

  11. Next trump will order all Chinese Americans to be sent to concentration camps.

  12. Trump is one egg roll shy of a pu-pu platter. At the rate he is spewing crazy, batshit verbiage, it’ll be no time at all before he’ll be keeping company with the wack-a-doodles at Bellevue in the adolescent wing.

  13. Jews don’t celebrate Christmas.Ffs.

  14. Frayed ends of sanity | August 26, 2019 at 12:11 am | Reply

    Just as there is an implicit right to privacy… which you have numerously invaded undoubtedly. Shut the front door. Who sounds like the idiot now. Trump may not be the greatest president of all time. But one thing is for sure, there is an extraordinary amount of sick individuals that have been ousted that wield or did wield a significant amount of power. I believe now we are finding out those who certain people want to silence, asphyxiation is they’re primary choice.

  15. Dumodle trump the one term president is so China will tell there people not to eat at MC Donald and KFC Starbuck.

  16. What a FREAKING IDIOT.

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