Trump Orders Catapults Be Placed Along Border To Expedite Deportations

Image credit:'Trebuchet Castelnaud' by Luc Viatour via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

President Trump said today he is determined that deportations of those who enter the United States illegally proceed quickly, without waiting for court proceedings motorized transportation.

“We’re going to use catapults because that’s the fastest way. It’s going to be so fast. Very very fast.”

Trump insisted that he would not repeat the mistakes of the past that caused a huge backlash, even from the occasional Republican.

“I have ordered that families be launched together, but if they separate while still on a parabolic trajectory through the air that’s not on me.”

Others, however, have cast suspicion on claims that Trump really said this.

“Suggesting we load human beings in catapults sound plausible, but using words like parabolic and trajectory is not something this President would do.”

75 Comments on "Trump Orders Catapults Be Placed Along Border To Expedite Deportations"

  1. Not gas powered, not electric. It has a carbon free footprint! I admire Trump for being so ecologically minded!

  2. Katie Daniels Roth, My research tells me that you’re a pretty cute little lady!

  3. this website is fucked up you fake news catapults my ass you freaks

  4. I haven’t laughed so hard in a really long time.

    Sent this off to some people who probably won’t realize at first that it’s satire.

    • Jilly,
      Read the comments and you’ll really get a good laugh at how many readers think it’s real.
      It shows how far the ‘snowflakes’ are from reality…. as if their voting doesn’t already prove it.

  5. Those aren’t catapults!

  6. trump should definitely be test pilot A.

    We should aim it at the ocean though, because no one will want to clean up that mess!

  7. Melton Culpepper | November 8, 2018 at 8:06 pm | Reply

    Definitely trebuchets. They have a sling on the throwing arm, using centrifugal force to hurl an object much further than a regular catapult. When my son was 16, he wanted to build a trebuchet for a school project. I didn’t know what one was. “A medieval siege engine” he said. I still didn’t know, so he showed me a picture of one. I figured we could build one from the picture. Our throwing arm was a 2×4 stud, the stand was bolted together, and a box of barbells, bricks and rocks were the counter-weights. Paracord was used on the sling, and the “pocket” was made of leather or canvas. The trick was to get one of the sling ropes to release at the right time so that the projectile would not go straight up or slam into the ground right in front. This took some trial and error. But once we got it adjusted, that thing would hurl a croquet ball about 75 yards. He could set the projectile on fire using diesel fuel and fling it at night for an impressive display… He got an A+ on his project… Since then, I studied trebuchets and found that very large ones are being built and they compete with each other. Also, they are used in a lot in movies like “Timeline” involving time travel back to medieval days… Trebuchets are very fascinating, and are a good project for father-son.

    • Love these genius contraptions…saw them in a movie about Attila the Hun and woah they get some distance…excellent project for both of you…congrats on the A+

  8. Now you build a trench on the US side of the border, fill it with elephant poo. That is for when there are mis- fires, or drop shorts.

  9. Can’t help but think of Monty Python’s, the Holy Grail. SPROINNNGGGGG !!!

  10. T.K. Anderson | August 4, 2018 at 2:42 pm | Reply

    Ohh, think of the possibilities! You could paint bullseyes on the other side and create a whole new way to make some money and pay off the debt. Hold it on all major networks at prime time once a week on Monday’s. Make sure to get some type of royalty for commercial advertisement and of course an airing fee each week. Lottery bets could be as follows. If its a family of three or more, you could lob them all and combine the total score, kids will probably fly furthest and fat fucks the opposite so it makes for a good challenge. Use three categories for scoring each launch.” 1) closest to or on the bullseye, 2) greatest bounce (fat fucks have the advantage here) and 3) best hang time and any in flight acrobatics receive bonus points. Configure the results anyway you want and have a draw at the end of the night narrowing it down to one. Base your winner on that! The money we could make would be incredible!

  11. Too bad we can’t launch Schloomer, Pelousey,Maine all together.

  12. Harold Miller | July 3, 2018 at 12:52 pm | Reply

    Image result for trebuchets
    http://www.real-world-physics-problems.com
    A trebuchet (French trébuchet) is a type of catapult, a common type of siege engine which uses a swinging arm to throw a projectile. The traction trebuchet, also referred to as a mangonel at times, first appeared in Ancient China during the 4th century BC as a siege weapon.

  13. Those are not pictures of catapults. Those are trebuchets. A catapult uses elastic energy to propel the load, a trebuchet uses the energy of gravity.

  14. A new Troll FREE, no BS Friendly Conservative group:
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/cservs4change/

  15. Way to go.
    Great idea !!
    Build that wall.

    • Not going to happen. Dumb idea from even dumber human, supported by, believe it or not, even dumber humans. Wow!! The dumb is so thick in this country right now you could cut it with a knife…

  16. Deborah Hanna | July 1, 2018 at 11:02 am | Reply

    Well, the left is crying to keep the families together. So be it. Build the Wall and the families can stay together in Mexico. Problem solved.

  17. Cyril Washington | June 30, 2018 at 10:59 pm | Reply

    Heavens to Betsy,I would hope the land mines,electrified fence,concertina wire,attack dogs and armed drones would deter illegal invading.

  18. It is so sad that there is not a family seat catapult so families could fly together

  19. I love this! This is just the type of wit and sarcasm that angers those who are simply unable to grasp the president’s humor. Haha!

  20. Even if Trump did say this, it was a visional interpretation of the feeling that shall be experienced by illegals in their simply being stopped at the border and deport them immediately back to their original country departed on their quest to come and illegally enter our country of America! To Hell and Damnation with those who attempted to enter America illegally! For they shall not cut themselves into our country in front of those who go through the established procedure to come into the United States of America!!!

  21. This is some piss poor journalism. Those are obviously trebuchets, not catapults.

    • Article writers usually don’t supply file photos. Don’t shoot the messenger.

      • Robert Measel Jr | July 1, 2018 at 3:06 am | Reply

        Trebuchets are a type of catapult, using gravity (with a counterweight) or traction (people pulling down), to propel the arm and often employing a sling at the end of the arm for greater distance.

    • Image credit:’Trebuchet Castelnaud’ by Luc Viatour via Commons license CC BY-SA 3.0.

  22. Put Mad Maxine in a catapult with them

  23. The liberals will do anything for a good laugh 🤣

  24. That is hilarious. Too bad it’s not true.

  25. I am hysterical
    Laugh so hard I cried
    Ha.

  26. Oh my gosh, this made me laugh in a way I haven’t in a long time…and my husband, who died in 2010, would be doing the same.
    This was hilarious!!

    • Yes, because we needed to know about your husband, who died in 2010. Thank you for this information.

      • Yes, because you had to mock the widow instead of just moving on with your day. Thank you for this a-holery.

      • That was rude.

      • What is your problem?

      • Like we needed to hear you.bitch to an old.women who wished her.hubby.can see.this. you must live in your daddies basement. This is.not a cure.for.your failure to launch life.

      • Wow. You’re a POS. You’ve obviously never been through the horror of losing someone that close to you. Let me see what kind of a-hole comment you’ll make when your husband or child dies. Not that anyone would want to marry your sorry ass!

      • Dos Bueno?? Why not El Fakeo? You certainly are a snowflake A-hole..

      • Dos Bueno, Go easy on her, for God’s sake. Some day, you too might possibly lose a spouse, and you may be hurting for a long time, too. Though, after thinking about your nasty remark, I 1. Doubt you will ever have a spouse, and 2. Am not sure you will ever be capable of human love or kindness.

    • I agree Ria! This hit my funny bone pretty hard! My guess is he would be proud that you still honor him and that he would indeed be laughing with us.

    • my husband died in 2009 and he too would have found this funny. He loved Donald Trump and would be proud to know he is leading our nation. Thank you so much for all those that stood up for Ria. Sorry for your loss (virtual hug)

  27. Could we send a few Democrats along with them??? 🙂

  28. Those are trebuchets not catapults!

  29. Glad to see our border beginning to close.

  30. Carlos Sudamericano | June 28, 2018 at 6:31 pm | Reply

    Trump has a great sense of humor. I totally love his sarcasm because that is our response to the absolute lack of civility and hypocrisy of the Socialist Democratic Party and their minion followers

  31. If only… I wonder how many libbies will read this and become triggered into violent action? Someone send this to Maxine Waters.

  32. MAGA MF

  33. Heh, Great idea!! A WHOLE LOT like the one I posted a full day earlier..

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10157251981586037&id=806096036

  34. Michael Neubert | June 28, 2018 at 2:40 pm | Reply

    Those are trebuchets

  35. Word is he watched the Olympics too; to see how high the Mexicans could pole vault, so he’d know how high to build the wall.

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