(Sterling, VA) At the Trump National Golf Club this Memorial Day weekend, the President ordered that the golf hole flags be flown at half staff to honor all those who have died as a result of contracting the novel Coronavirus. On being told they couldn’t be lowered because they are golf hole flags, Trump was sanguine about his attempt to reassure the nation.

“Well, I tried.”

Undeterred, Trump says he has a special plan to pay his respects on the occasion of 100,000th death, which is expected any time now.

“I intend to mark crossing this tragic threshold with a hole in one, or a birdie at the very least.”

He added that he will honor the country’s war dead as well by pausing between the 10th and 11th holes, which is when he usually gets a little out of breath.

“It’s only right to stop and reflect for a while.”

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