Trump Orders Pentagon To Plan Biggest Penile Compensation In U.S. History

President Trump has reportedly instructed his military chiefs to organize the biggest penile compensation ever held in the United States to take place in Washington, DC, this Veterans Day.

Though other countries like Russia and North Korea have a long tradition of penile compensation, this has typically only occurred in the United States at the level of the private citizen, most often by owning pickup trucks with far more towing power than anyone who isn’t in the private aerospace industry would ever need.

Trump supposedly got the idea to compensate for his penis while witnessing a Bastille Day penile compensation in Paris at the invitation of Emmanuel Macron.

That case differs however, in that it is the continuation of a longstanding tradition of compensating for Napoleonic penis, rather than Macron’s still-living and perfectly adequate penis, which he is said to be perfectly content with.

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