(The White House) Saying there was a desperate shortfall of willing candidates within the United States, staffers today announced that President Trump has decided to outsource the upcoming Chief of Staff vacancy to India.
“With over one billion people to choose from, we will no doubt be able to find an excellent Chief of Staff over there.”
The new gatekeeper of the President’s schedule will not only save money by being paid in rupees on a reduced salary, but will generate further savings by not moving to the White House, or even the United States, as they will instead control access to the Oval Office via a overseas 1800 telephone number.
“Much of the process will be automated, but if you work your way through all the menus you can talk to the actual flesh-and-blood Chief of Staff who will be happy to further direct your call.”
If it proves a success, as is expected, further positions will be outsourced overseas, including the job of holding the nuclear football.
“Obviously anyone considered for that role will have to be able to mimic a Midwestern or Texan accent.”