Trump Produces Calenders Proving He Did Not Collude With Russia

Saying it was now time to put Robert Mueller’s investigation to rest, President Trump today produced a set of calenders proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he did not collude with Russia in the 2016 election.

“It’s proof people. The best proof. There is no better proof than this.”

He happily displayed the calenders he says are a “complete and unrefutable record” of everything he has done over the past few years.

“It’s all in there folks, including how many people were at my inauguration. Millions!”

The calenders document a range of activities including golf with non-Russians, insult generation, more golf with non-Russians, and cheeseburger time.

“Any time unaccounted for was spent uncovering wiretaps planted by Obama. So many wiretaps. Sad!”

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