(Wellington, OH) A largely successful rally held by President Trump as part of his comeback was slightly marred by a poor choice of venue that left attendees with little opportunity for treasonous activity afterwards.

“He didn’t even tell us to fight like hell!”

Though Trump ticked many of his usual checkboxes during his speech – including demonizing Mexicans, denying he lost the election, and invoking Hillary Clinton – his supporters complained about the absence of nearby government buildings holding important democratic proceedings for them to storm and disrupt.

“He could at least have made Mike Pence available for us to string up and hang by the neck until he was dead.”

A Trump spokesperson admitted to the oversight, and said they should at a minimum have made a RINO Republican available for the crowd to violently attack.

“We promise to do better going forward.”

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