With the Impeachement Trial over and an his acquittal in the bag, President Trump has released a complete set of the Quid Pro Quos he has on offer to foreign governments.
“Don’t worry folks, the Senate says it’s totally okay.”
At the top of the list is the now famous Biden Quid Pro Quo, which has been expanded to include any dirt on Joe Biden, and not just dirt relating to his son Hunter. Experts from Jane magazine say nations who think they can dig some up can expect a serious military hardware package in return.
“If you have an armed insurrection or are being bullied by a more powerful neighbor, the firepower Biden dirt can get you will definitely make them think twice.”
Bernie Sanders dirt can get you a cruise missile system which can deliver total destruction to your enemies from hundreds of miles away.
“Just be ready to produce a highly convincing deep fake of Bernie consorting with known terrorists and sworn enemies of the United States.”
For smaller countries looking for a bargain, there are specials on smaller candidates in return for small arms and mortar systems. One country that has not shown any interest in the quid pro quos on offer is Russia. Vladimir Putin explained that this shouldn’t surprise anyone.
“When you own the whole cow, you don’t pay for the milk.”
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