Trump Secures Funding For Low Profile Border Picket Fence – Declares Victory

President Trump has declared victory over Democrats in the deal struck to avert another shutdown. Described by many as a huge climbdown by the President, given he only won a fraction of the money he was seeking to build a secure border wall, Trump insisted he won the day.

“With this funding, we will be able to build a 2-foot white picket fence along much of our border with Mexico.”

He denounced critics who claimed such a barrier would prove ineffective, saying it would deter the worst from entering the United States.

“No longer will Chihuahuas and other small Mexican dogs be able to pour into our great country to commit crimes.”

He also bragged about how effective his wall would be in preventing the transport of illegal narcotics from Mexico into the United States.

“Drug mules will be stopped in their tracks, so long as they are actual mules. Short tired mules.”

1 Comment on "Trump Secures Funding For Low Profile Border Picket Fence – Declares Victory"

  1. I don’t know who your writers are, but I believe they are right up there with Andy Borowitz! As much as I love “the Onion”, you folks just trash them. As a born and bred ‘Burgher (who is stuck in Ohio), you make me proud of my hometown! Yinz is the greatest!!! Pierogis on me!

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