President Trump took credit today for a report saying there were no deaths by falling anvil in the United States in 2017, while disputing figures saying there were no such deaths in the preceding years under President Obama either.

“Before I was President I had more time to watch TV where I saw many documentaries about deaths due to falling anvils. Sad!”

Trump says Obama did nothing to stop the slaughter, which was devastating for those on highways in the Southwest, as well as people walking near cliffs or tall buildings all across the nation.

“I have also ended the crises of safes and pianos falling on people from great heights due to a rope giving way. Americans need no longer look up at all times for fear of being crushed.”

When challenged to cite a specific action the President had taken to reduce the danger of death by falling anvil, the White House cited Trump’s tightening of regulations for any companies with the name ‘Acme’.