Trump Tells D-Day Veterans Story Of How He Fought Wave After Wave Of STDs

President Trump delivered a fine speech on the occasion of the 75th anniversary of D-Day. He also took time to chat with American veterans of the Normandy landings who were present, and even got personal by sharing some of his own war stories.


“I was too young to be there with you fighting the Nazis, but my service was no less scary – believe me!”

Trump said that as a freewheeling young Manhattan socialite he faced his own titanic struggle avoiding sexually transmitted diseases while sleeping around as much as possible.

“I didn’t battle the Wehrmacht and Waffen SS like you guys, but I went toe-to-toe with VD many times. It was tough. So tough.”

Inspired by the veterans’ tales of barely avoiding blistering German machine-gun fire as they made their way up the beaches, Trump shared one of his own near misses.

“I had engaged the enemy multiple times and was going in again when I thought I’d been hit – by the clap.”

However a trip to a medic proved his wounds were superficial and he was merely advised to give it a rest for a while. Trump also paid tribute to the vast logistical effort behind the landings, something he said he was very familiar with.

“You don’t mount a successful mounting campaign like I did without being thoroughly prepared – with condoms mainly.”

Trump said the worst part was still being able to bed random people knowing some of his buddies weren’t there alongside him.

“We lost a lot of fine horny people to antibiotic treatments back then. It was weeks before they were back in the saddle. Sad!”

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