Trump To Pardon All Republican Voters In Federal Prison System

President Trump has indicated his intent to continue pardons by extending them to all persons in the Federal prison system that have a proven track record of voting Republican.

“Remember my pardon wipes the slate clean so as fresh non-felons you can excercise your right to vote for me in November.”

Those who have never voted before can also avail of the mass pardoning provided they undertake to vote for Trump in 2020 as well ascanvassing for him as soon as they are released.

“I’m counting on you to redirect those aggressive tendancies away from rape or murder and towards persuading people to vote for me.”

Known Democrats will not be available to avail of the bounty of pardons, however.

“Except for Rod Blagojevich, of course, who’s proved himself to be my kind of guy in other ways.”

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