[London UK] Following a rash of resignations from the shadow cabinet, Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has resorted to appointing items of furniture to ensure the Government faces a robust opposition during these trying times.

The idea came to Corbyn when he saw a cupboard left by the side of the road outside some student dwellings. He quickly appointed the unwanted piece of furniture to the position of Shadow Education Secretary and sent a txt to Diane Abbot asked her to arrange a van to pick up her new colleague and transport it to Westminster.

Corbyn loyalist John McDonnell then brought in a sturdy buffet table he wasn’t using, which was made Shadow Secretary of State for Health following a brief impressive interview. Corbyn proceeded to fill the remaining vacancies on the opposition front benches by consulting the IKEA catalog.

Though MPs opposed to Corbyn mocked the move at first, they are increasingly appearing to have made a serious misjudgment about the fragility of Corbyn’s position. In fact party membership is growing and is reportedly newly invigorated by Corbyn’s solid cabinet of cabinets.

This was followed by a stabilization of the financial markets which is being attributed to their responding positively to the knowledge that at least one party now appears to have a competent team at the helm that exhibits the stoic calm needed to govern should a snap election occur.

Following the revelation of his latest appointments, Corbyn met with media representatives to continue insisting he would not resign as he had a mandate from the grassroots.

He then excused himself so he could assemble the newly-appointed shadow ministers for Transport and Justice.