United Crew Refuse To Remove Scorpion From Flight By Force

A passenger on a United flight from Houston to Calgary has been stung by a scorpion that fell from an overhead bin during flight.

Crew members were actually aware the scorpion was on board before leaving the gate in Houston, but would not use force to remove it from the plane.

“We’ve learned our lesson.”

A spokesperson for the airline said it would certainly have been denied boarding at the gate for being potentially poisonous and not having a valid ticket.

“But once on the aircraft anything with a pulse stays unless it leaves of its own volition.”

United maintains it did all it could, with the pilot even coming out of the cockpit before takeoff to gently urge the predatory arachnid to disembark – but it scurried away into an overhead bin.

“Clearly it didn’t want to go, and there way no way in hell we were going to call security.”

To the dismay of United, the passenger has indicated he may sue the embattled airline over the incident.

“We just can’t win!”

1 Comment on "United Crew Refuse To Remove Scorpion From Flight By Force"

  1. Oh Dear Gawd this is so funny – and it turns out to be true!

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