In response to criticisms that he has no plan in Syria President Trump has hit back that he does have a plan and a very clear one.

“We’re going to bomb ISIS on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, with Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays reserved for strikes against Syrian leader Assad.”

As for Sundays, they will be reserved for ‘Kurds or whoever’. Vladmir Putin has responded by saying he will be co-operating on days when Trump is fighting ISIS, but de-escalation channels will be closed on the other days presenting a huge risk of direct conflict between the nuclear powers.

“But you can still enjoy Hump day and TGIF knowing World War Three will not start then.”