Utah Monolith Removed By Aliens On Learning Who President Is

A mysterious monolith in the Utah desert has disappeared shortly after its discovery, prompting even more speculation as to its origin and purpose. That was answered today when NASA reported receiving a message originating from just beyond Jupiter that was broadcast in all known languages.

“It just said: you’re obviously not ready for this.”

This supports the hypothesis that the monolith was placed by a supreme alien intelligence seeking to bounce humankind into the next phase of its cosmic evolution. The higher beings are thought to have revised their plan on learning more about the state of human affairs in 2020.

“Our best guess is they placed it there based on the human progress in the 1950s and 1960s, but reversed their decision after learning who was President in 2020.”

Others say it was the skeptical response of a large segment of the population to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic that figured into the determination that human beings were unworthy of elevation at this time.

“Even plants know to recoil from harm and take steps to avoid infection with pathogens and parasites, unlike many Trump’s supporters who seem to think wearing a mask makes them look weak.”

As to when the monolith might return to summon a new interstellar age, futurists say we shouldn’t hold our breath.

“You don’t overlook this much stupid for at least a millennia or two.”

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