Verizon Suspected Of Killing ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ Guy As Warning To Would-Be Traitors

Sadly will be heard no more.

The ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ guy, real name Paul Marcarelli, is being remembered today after being brutally assassinated in public by a drive-by motorcyclist.

Assumed to be the work of a paid professional, Marcarelli was having his picture taken by a fan at the time who which captured his final moments. Marcarelli had recently been employed by the Sprint corporation, having previously become famous as the face of Verizon.

Though no-one got a clear view of the killer who was wearing a ski-mask, a flyer for a fios internet, TV & home phone bundle at the introductory price of $79.99 per month was found at the scene and has been filed as evidence.

Police say it is unlikely they will ever be able to definitively pin the crime on anyone, but there is no doubt in their mind as to who was behind it.

“Once you get involved with an organization like Verizon the only way out is in a pine box.”

The cold-blooded killing is already having a profound effect on the cut-throat auto insurance market, with spokespersons Flo, Dennis Haysbert, Dean ‘Mayhem’ Winters and the Geico Gecko all now desperate to prove their loyalty to their respective employers.

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