The Commonwealth of Virginia has updated the employment section of its website to reflect the large number of positions that have recently become available, which would be all of them.

“Everything’s up for grabs if a suitable candidate can be identified.”

The new hiring requirements are quite strict according to Virginia standards, meaning the positions may take some time to fill. The main requirements are:

• Never having ‘Blacked Up’
• Not talking about your ‘black friend’
• Not having endorsed the KKK
• Able to prove you can moonwalk if you claim you can

If the positions remain unfilled, officials say they may countenance drastic action in the interest of keeping the commonwealth functioning.

“Like appointing black folk, for example.”