There were emotional scenes at a Washington DC TGI Fridays today during a visit by Sheriff David Clarke of the Department of Homeland Security.

Younger servers who had only been there a few years didn’t understand what the fuss was about, but veteran TGI Fridays servers who remember the bad old days of ‘flair’ showed visible signs of distress at the sight of Clarke’s abundant assemblage of medals, badges, and novelty pins.

One server who had been waiting on Clarke barely managed to deliver an order of mozzarella sticks to the table, and had to be comforted by co-workers afterwards. When asked what was the matter, he told them to watch the movie Office Space and pay particular attention to Jennifer Anniston’s character.

For his part, Clarke seemed unaware of the terrible emotional pain he was causing, even when the hostess started weeping and trembling as he insisted on pointing out his favorite medallions to her.

What is covfefe? Am I covfefe? Can Sean Spicer spell covfefe? If these are the burning questions on your mind then you need to get Covfefe: Prince of Words, A History Of The Most Important Lexical Advance Of Our Time.