Despite having been the archetypal political scandal for almost half a century, Watergate is to be renamed the WaterTrump scandal in recognition of its looming second-place ranking.

“Obviously, you want to name scandalous incidents after the most compelling example in history, and it’s pretty clear that’s not going to be the resignation of Richard Nixon.”

Just as we used to add the suffix -gate to characterize an occurrence that constituted a major assault on propriety, we will now add -Trump instead.

“For example, the disastrous awarding of the Best Picture Oscar to La La Land instead of Moonlight is now called EnvelopeTrump.”

Similarly, recent cheating by the New England Patriots will now be referred to as DeflateTrump.

“It’s never too early to get used to the change. So say EmailTrump, not EmailGate.”

Since the convention can’t be used to describe the ascension and eventual departure of Trump himself – since that would lead to the cumbersome TrumpTrump – the current period we are in will instead be known as ‘The Darkening’.