Following a flurry of questions by consumers about the President’s declaration that personal identification was needed to buy groceries in the United States, the White House today confirmed the requirement to present photo ID, and added that enhanced security measures will henceforth be required at Whole Foods.

“President Trump has seen classified intelligence that proves a lot of hostiles frequent that particular grocery store chain.”

While it will still be possible to buy tinned goods at Whole Foods with photo ID and an instantaneous background check, those buying fresh organic produce will also be subject to a pat-down.

“Additionally, anyone attempting to procure arugula will be subjected to a cavity search.”