Workers at the White House are being retrained in their jobs today on account of two new people coming to live there that brings the average mental age of occupants way up.

The current staff, who we hired for their experience dealing with toddlers, are being taught to cope with the increased demands that come with higher-functioning residents.

“Until now the primary concern has been ensuring everyone gets the right number of scoops of ice cream, and, of course, tantrum control.”

However with a mature-beyond-his years 11 year old as well as a cosmopolitan woman in her forties moving in, the requirements to ensure everything moves smoothly in the White House are much greater.

“They will probably need things like books and stimulating two-way conversation.”

A proper chef will also be brought in. Though the White House normally has one, the culinary tasks of overcooking steak and ordering in McDonalds were being performed by whoever was available.

“Now we will have to hire someone who actually knows something about cooking.”

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