The World Health Organization team in Wuhan investigating the origins of the novel Coronavirus in humans made a potentially huge breakthrough today when evidence emerged how it could have jumped species.
“We were always confident it originated in bats, but the question remained how did it find its way into the human population?”
That’s when one of the team saw a picture of former Trump administration member Stephen Miller transitioning from his human-like form into a bat to travel more efficiently to his hunting grounds.
“We were always struck by just how efficiently it spread through the Trump administration even after taking into consideration it was packed full of idiots who don’t believe in science. But now it all makes sense since case zero was a Senior White House advisor.”
Though Miller, being a cold-hearted vampire, is not technically human, transmission from vampire to human is easily accomplished, making the theory highly compelling.
“Vampires think nothing about travelling thousands of miles to eat to so I imagine Miller flew here in late 2019, hung out with some local bats where he picked up the virus, then passed it on during a botched attempt to feed off some unfortunate resident of Wuhan.”
They dismissed the criticism that Miller is not a vampire as totally refuted by the evidence.
“Just look at him for one thing. And there’s the way he kept small children locked up in cages for when he wanted a snack – it all fits perfectly.”