Commerce Secretary and original inspiration for the phrase ‘Old Coot’ Wilbur Ross has managed to find the silver lining in the coronavirus that has already caused the death of over one hundred people and infected thousands.

“This will be good for jobs.”

Ross said he knows whereof he speaks as he has seen this happen before when he was just starting out as a Commerce Secretary in 14th Century Europe.

“Everyone thought the agonizing demise of half the population from the Black Death was a bad thing, until I pointed out that business owners would see an opportunity to streamline their supply chains.”

The plague economic theory he developed back then still holds water today according to Ross.

“When you hear the phrase ‘Bring out your dead’ it’s time to invest.”

He said the targeted deployment of the coronavirus or reconstituted plague pathogen could be an important weapon in increasing shareholder wealth.

“If you could get the pesky CDC busybodies out of the way I could do so much more for the 1%.”

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