Facing criticism that he opposed making election day a holiday because higher turnout would favor Democrats and because he’s just plain mean, Mitch McConnell has announced he is in favor of making it a paid…
The anti-vaxxer community has been under a lot of pressure lately, given news reports that cases of measles are on the rise across the country. But they found a new champion today in the form…
A producer fired by local station KDKA has something to look forward to today, as news leaked that he has been awarded the prestigious Pulitzer Prize for Honesty in Journalism The producer was let go…
Having remained elusive since the dawn of time so his followers could perceive the profound mysteries of faith, God has broken his cover at to reject multiple assertions by others that he wanted Donald Trump…
President Trump said he felt for the millions of Americans suffering from the extreme cold temperatures caused by the Polar Vortex, and wanted to help out by offering them some useful advise. “Simply relocate to…
(Moscow) In some welcome news for President Trump, the Kremlin has announced that he will not be facing a challenge to be their stooge again in 2020. “He basically has a lock on it at…
(Caracas,Venezuela) The government of Venezuela condemned efforts by the United States to interfere in its internal affairs today, saying that such attempts were in flagrant violation of international order. “One sovereign Banana Republic does not…
(Washington, DC) As the polar vortex causes temperatures to plunge, residents of Washington DC are seeking hot air anyway they can, with thousands of them gathering around President Trump. “Keep talking Mister President.” Happy to…
A U.S. Government worker furloughed during the Clinton administration emerged from a densely forested area outside Washington D.C today seeking shelter from the bitter cold. The federal employee was told to go home in 1995…
President Trump is engaging in urgent consultations, including with Democrats, about the very real possibility of a comprehensive border wall after the general population has suddenly come out massively in favor of funding one. There…
Saying times were rough financially and that he needed to parlay his experience in government into something lucrative, former Trump Press Secretary Sean Spicer today announced the formation of Spicer Lying Consultants. “We will be…
Dirty greenhouse-gas-belching coal pants across the United States apologized today for failing to avert the present cold snap by raising global temperatures drastically. “Unfortunately, mother nature got one by us, but it won’t happen again…
Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has signaled his intention to run for the White House in 2020. What was initially thought to be a divisive, threadbare candidacy that would only help Trump was transformed today…
(Pittsburgh, PA) A new startup in Bakery Square is set the become the standard in internet security and online verification of user identity. Called VerifYou, the company – founded by a pair of former CMU…
Saying he was not to be disturbed as policy briefings were critical to a well-informed functioning executive, President Trump settled down to his daily briefing by senior advisor Sean Hannity. “I listen to my briefings…
(The White House) President Trump took time out from his busy schedule today to conduct some personal business involving the new charity he founded to replace the Trump Foundation that was shut down by the…
(Riyadh) Following a ‘stressful few months’ where things were ‘touch-and-go’ following the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, the Saudi Government has quietly resumed its policy of cutting up its critics while they are still alive. “Thankfully common sense has prevailed over hysteria.” The leader of the hit…
Antonio Brown has finally touched base with Steelers owner Art Rooney II, when he landed the helicopter he was in on top of him. “It’s nice to see Antonio show him some respect finally by…
A book just released by Chris Christie, Let Me Finish: Trump, the Kushners, Bannon, New Jersey, and the Power of In-Your-Face Politics, is rocking the political world with its wild claims about the President Trump…
Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) has been criticized for being rude and disrespectful for a video where she says “impeach the motherf*cker” in reference to the President “I should have chosen my words more carefully.” Tlaib accepts…
