Operators of Pittsburgh’s self-driving car projects, including Google, Uber, and Argo AI, found their work at a standstill today after all their autonomous vehicles went missing. “There is not a single self-driving automobile in the…
The President has ordered the U.S. Military on full alert, having learned a devastating attack upon the American way of life is imminent, possible in a matter of hours. Generals from all branches of the…
Following the backlash over cutting funding for the Special Olympics, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos spoke up today to say it was being done for the best of reasons. “These special olympians have to understand that…
President Trump has weighed in one the Jussie Smollet case, saving the DOJ and the FBI will step in as they have done in other cases where a state failed to prosecute the offender. Attorney…
(Harrisburg, PA) Pennsylvania’s State Legislature was treated to a mini version of the rapture today when one of their members was summoned to God’s side by ascending abruptly into the heavens. The miraculous occurrence happened…
In an unlikely second act, widely mocked and also much beloved social media platform MySpace has overtaken Facebook in terms of content and activity. This was due not to an increase in the popularity of…
IT specialists for the Trump Campaign have notified Facebook that it is experiencing a massive outage, after seeing no activity on the many Trump supporter groups they follow and post to. “There’s no new activity….
Attorney General Bill Barr has asked colleagues at the DOJ to be patient with him, as he has decided to permanently tether himself to the Earth, which makes getting around more difficult. “Better safe than…
The decision to drop all charges against actor Jussie Smollett is receiving widespread criticism for sending the wrong message. “This signals to everyone who wants to gives money to ripped Nigerian gym rats to beat…
NASA has denied charges of incompetence and misogyny after a planned all-female spacewalk had to be abandoned after there weren’t enough spacesuits available in women’s sizes for it to go ahead. Controllers have denied they…
The chances Krispy Kreme doughnuts will be served at a formal White House dinner grew today, as President Trump announced they are now one of his favorite foods. “I always preferred Dunkin Donuts before, but…
Philisophers warned the public that the uneasy aimless feeling they are experiencing in light of headlines involving Michael Avenatti is simply them questioning the very nature of reality. “When things get too strange, it’s natural…
The nation’s leading news media outlets has warned the public not to misinterpret the current lack of major news stories about what a basketcase Florida is. “Just because we don’t have any mindblowing articles about…
Presidential super-lawyer Rudy Giuliani today weighed in on the Mueller Report that has been made public. “This report clearly exonerates President Trump of all the many crimes he committed.” Giuliani said this meant Trump and…
President Trump has spent the day receiving calls congratulating him on being cleared by the Attorney General of charges he colluded with Russia following the submission of the Mueller report to the DOJ. One of…
A High School adaptation stage adaptation of the iconic movie Alien has garnered nationwide attention, both for its stunning brilliance but also because it is almost certainly a violation of copyright. Initial concerns were that…
There is an excess of thoughts and prayers in the United States today, as those sent from here to New Zealand in the wake of the mosque shootings returned unused. “They were very grateful but…
In a surprise shakeup of the 2020 election, it appears that President Trump will be running on a Trump/Kid Rock ticket. Trump informed Vice President Mike Pence, the nominal bottom half of the ticket until…
President Trump took to twitter today to give his impressions on the Mueller report documenting the special prosecutors investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. “It’s a big report. The biggest report. You’ve never…
President Trump is reportedly steaming that his Attorney General has seen the contents of the Mueller report and he has not. He demanded that it be made available to him immediately so he can learn…
