President Biden today revealed he has succeeded in achieving a massive accomplishment after completely eradicating a deadly cancer that was plaguing the United States.
“President Trump repeatedly warned us about the terrible scourge of windmill cancer affecting our great nation, which he proved powerless to eradicate. But I have found a cure during my first days in office – there’ll be no cases of windmill cancer under the Biden administration.”
In addition to curing windmill carcinoma, Biden also plans to fix other ills that Trump has repeatedly highlighted.
“Remember those roving gangs of MS-13 thugs that were always breaking into your grandma’s home in the suburbs? Well I’m locking them all up and throwing away the key. You won’t see hide nor hair of them and it’s all thanks to me. But kudos to Donald for making me aware of the problem so I could fix it for the American people.”
He will also stand up to the military-industrial complex like no Commander in Chief before him.
“You know those completely invisible fighter jets we have that cost so much? Well that program is cut as of right now because Joe says so!”
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Go President Biden