(Punxsatawney, PA) The annual tradition of Groundhog Day has been thrown into chaos on the event of the event after famed rodent meteorologist Punxsutawney Phil said he will not say whether he sees his shadow or…
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After previously granting high profile covers to both Jill Biden and Kamala Harris while snubbing Melania Trump during her time in the White House, VOGUE magazine has made its latest – and arguably most hurtful…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Officials at the National Aviary on the city’s Northside said they are still trying to get Kodiak the Giant Eagle back days after he escaped the facility. But they say there are some…
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has announced his opposition to President Biden’s infrastructure plan, which he says will start opposing in earnest after a short vacation at the beach for his annual mating ritual. “Though…
Famed sciurid meteorologist Punxsutawney Phil made a rare unscheduled appearance today to say ‘I told you so’ to all the doubters and haters who’ve being saying his best days are behind him. After predicting six…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Local avian celebrities the Hays eagles today followed up on their dramatic live hatching of two new family members with news they are teaming up with local grocery chain Giant Eagle in a…
Western Pennsylvanians hoping to see huge formations of birds migrating through Pittsburgh were disappointed Monday night when the skies stayed empty, prompting angry outbursts on twitter demanding to know who had falsely raised their hopes…
Leading Pennsylvania wool producers took issue today with Wendy Bell’s use of the derogatory term ‘sheeple’, which implies that sheep are blind followers that are easily manipulated rather than intelligent mammals who know when to…
Democratic Presidential contender Joe Biden attempted to bring his campaign out of the basement today with mixed success, as his message was interrupted by a band of noisy geese. Though initially reported to be enthusiastic…
(Punxsutawney, PA) Western Pennsylvania was in shock today, in addition to being cold, after news leaked that Punxsutawney Phil has been arrested for fraud. This follows a lengthy investigation during which it emerged that he deliberately…
Mitch McConnell was criticized today after it emerged he made a trip to a Florida beach over the weekend. McConnell insisted it posed no risk. “I maintained a greater than six foot separation from humans…
Given numerous protests against the shutdown and poor compliance with stay-at-home orders across the country, a crack team of murder hornets has been brought into the United States from Asia to assist with enforcement. Governors…
As the botched response by the Trump administrations to the coronavirus pandemic continues to lag behind other countries – most notably in the area of testing – a rash of tiger impersonators are flooding test…
In the first case of its kind, Attorney General Bill Barr has followed through on his threat to punish hoarders for their actions during the coronavirus pandemic. “Today I have filed charges against one of…
(Pamplona, Spain) Noting how much he enjoyed his appearance at the Daytona 500, the Kingdom of Spain has officially invited President Trump to attend the 2020 Running Of The Bulls festival this summer in the…
A new book about on President Trump and his minions poisoned Washington details how Trump would pepper then Chief of Staff Reince Priebus with questions about badgers, presumably because Priebus comes from the badger state,…
An auction for a “Dream Hunt with Donald Trump Jr” is receiving millions of bids according to its overwhelmed organizer, hunting rights group Safari Club International. “We expected a modest number of bids in the…
(Punxsutawney, PA) Today is Groundhog Day, which is when the down-to-earth residents of Western Pennsylvania turn to a clairvoyant small mammal to find out what the weather is going to be like for the new few…
Though they are normally fully aligned on all matters, Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell was said to be furious with President Trump today after learning his administration is being sued for failing to protect sea…
Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell apologized to colleagues today if his voice was unclear, blaming the persistent cold weather. “Below a certain temperature, retracting my head into my body becomes an involuntary action over which…
