There is an excess of thoughts and prayers in the United States today, as those sent from here to New Zealand in the wake of the mosque shootings returned unused. “They were very grateful but…
(The White House) President Trump has signed an executive order revoking an Obama-era ban on selling guns to the mentally ill. Trump said he was proud to do so to afford them the protection they…
As Americans listen to news of yet another mass shooting, a pattern is emerging that is very disturbing. “It seems these pesky Muslims are getting even better at impersonating white male Christians.” Law enforcement’s job…
(Pittsburgh, PA) Protesters took to the streets of downtown Pittsburgh today in support of the rights of small penis owners, who they say are being targeted unfairly by the Peduto administration. “We have a constitutional…
Following warnings by health officials to avoid romaine lettuce due to fears of E.coli contamination, the National Lettuce Association (NLA) pushed back today saying they had overstepped their bounds. “How about you stay in your…
Saying all law-abiding Americans have a right to defend themselves, the National Rifle Association has called for changes to the Second Amendment to constitutionally guarantee the right to mail pipe bombs in light of recent…
President Trump has indicated he finds the Saudi explanation for the death of journalist Jamal Khashoggi credible. But far less impressed are local law enforcement departments across the United States, where the Crown Prince’s account…
The National Rifle Association has announced that it is facing a severe funding crisis and that it may not be able to continue to exist. On hearing the sad news, Democrats across the nation pledged…
There were tragic scenes in South Carolina today after Congressman Ralph Norman (R-SC) pulled out a loaded firearm during a constituency meeting about gun violence and was immediately shot dead by police. “It was over…
Embattled conservative TV and radio host Laura Ingraham has seen the error of her ways and issued a heartfelt apology over her recent actions. “On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, I apologize for…
A survey of gun owners in the United States, which accounts for just 5% of the world population but a full half of privately owned guns, has revealed some surprising statistics about how guns are…
Following Rick Santorum’s claim that a student’s best response to classroom gun violence is to shut-up and learn CPR, the American Heart Association has revised its guidelines for high school students: STEP ONE: PREVENTION. Since…
The Parkland High School students have been receiving an impressive amount of condescension from Republicans, ranging from Marco Rubio’s antics to Florida state Rep. Elizabeth Porter’s comments that children shouldn’t be listened to about not…
Advocates of arming teachers are claiming victory today, after a teacher in a Northern California school fired his gun inside a classroom, injuring three students. “We started talking about this way back in February and…
After shocking politicians of all stripes and the NRA by vocalizing a number of pro-gun-control talking points this week, the issue of President Trump’s ultimate stance on the issue is on everyone’s mind. Asked what…
Area psychopath Matthew Daniels said today he is ‘beyond furious’ with Dicks and Walmart for raising the age to buy firearms to 21 years old. “This is such bullshit.” The mentally-deranged violent young man, who…
News that a teacher opened fire in the classroom at a Dalton High School is just the evidence we need that armed teachers are a great idea, said NRA President Wayne LaPierre this afternoon. “Obviously…
A group calling themselves the Swift Boat Eagles for Truth (SBET) has come forward to say that President Trump is no hero like he is making himself out to be. The eagles say they are…
With events having shown that even trained armed deputies are insufficient to tackle the threat to our schools, the Defense Industry has stepped forward with the solution. “No classroom should be without this tank.” Based…
Saying they wanted to give the President the opportunity to back up his tough words with deeds, the FBI promised to let him go in first the next time they are dealing with an active…
