(Chevy Chase, MD) US Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh was angered to learn today that law enforcement authorities would not be preventing protesters from demonstrating outside his family home. A police spokesperson explained it was simply…
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The solitary Spotify subscriber who listens to both Joe Rogan’s podcast and Neil Young’s music said today he is torn over what to do after the Canadian singer said the streaming service had to choose…
(Mountain View, CA) Alphabet Inc. [NASDAQ: GOOGL] – the parent company of Google – has announced plans to become an accredited degree-granting institution. CEO and inaugural Google University President Sundar Pichai explained that the company…
Popular coffee purveyor Starbucks has announced new measures to halt the spread of the coronavirus, including direct delivery of coffee without using disposable cups. “Though we previously merely banned personal cups, we now recognize that…
(Altanta, GA) The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced their latest recommendation today that Senator Rand Paul (R – KY) self- isolate for the next 10,950 days. CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky explained that this…
Following his latest maskless appearance in public, medical experts are urging Ted Cruz to cover up whenever he is around others to prevent a serious outbreak of people seeing what he looks like up close…
After finally making its way to the United States following tours of Europe and the African continent, the Omicron variant spoke to the press today about how happy it was to have made it to…
Sesame Street was thrown into chaos today on news that one of its well-known residents, Cookie Monster, is not vaccinated against COVID despite leading everyone to believe that he was. With vaccination rates believed to…
(The White House) Jen Psaki has announced she will be working from home following a positive test result indicating she is highly intelligent. Physicians at the Walter Reed Medical Center expressed concern that this is…
Pharmaceutical titan Pfizer, maker of one of the world’s leading COVID vaccines, has released an oral COVID vaccine, Ivermectan, available exclusively as a Tide Pod. Lead scientist Jessica Upend, Ph.D., said the decision to adopt…
MEDICAL BRIEF: Staff at the Burn Center at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital said tonight they expected Fox News White House correspondent for Peter Doocy to survive after receiving severe burns at a briefing earlier today….
FASHION BRIEF: The world of high-end deadly pathogens was abuzz today as the House of Coronavirus held the first catwalk preview of its new line of variants to be released this fall. The show was…
Organizers of the upcoming “The History” tour featuring former President Trump and ex Fox News presenter Bill O’Reilly have announced the Delta variant of the novel coronavirus will join the star-studded lineup. While Trump and…
Leading infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci today said a new COVID wave fueled by the highly transmissible delta plus variant was likely, but he said the bad news doesn’t end there. “We are also…
(Mar-a-Lago) Denouncing the Biden administration for doing a ‘terrible job’ combatting the COVID pandemic in light of new highly transmissible variants emerging, former President Donald Trump today announced a improved version of his recommended method…
Speaking to George Stephanopoulos on ABC’s This Week, the novel Coronavirus said the past few months had been extremely painful, and it had almost lost faith in its ability to keep going until until the…
In great news for the fight against COVID, the United States has now reached full herd immunity after previously struggling to get a sizable vocal minority vaccinated. The move came after Dr. Fauci made an…
NIAID Director Dr. Anthony Fauci finally conceded his is a giant fraud today, and that all the accusations made about him by the right are 100% correct. “Back in high school in the 1950s I…
(Sharon, PA) A local Trump supporter and CDC critic laid into Dr. Fauci today for what he said is a totally incongruous position on the requirements to prevent the spread of COVID given recent medical…
Following its pause in the distribution of the J&J COVID vaccine over concerns it had lead to a small number of blood clots, the CDC has now paused the distribution of firearms after uncovering worrying…
