After feedback that revealed a fundamental flaw in their exercise equipment, Peloton has announced a new line-up of exercise bike designed for use in the home by social-media-savvy upper-middle-class suburban moms who are already at…
Award-winning wide receiver Antonio Brown is said to be off to a great start with his new team the New England Patriots, after word leaked that coach Bill Belichick has already kick the holy crap…
After already ordering US Companies to stop working with China as part of his escalating trade war, President Trump has hit on the idea of punishing the PROC further by demanding United States citizens give…
(Pyongyang, DPRK) After already being spoiled by the premature release of a coin by President Trump to celebrate the nuclear summit between the USA and North Korea before it was clear it would happen, numismatists…
Protestors have taken to the street in the Puerto Rican capital of San Juan to call for Governor Ricardo Rosselló to step down over sexist and homophobic comments. Asked about it today President Trump said…
Though some were skeptical at first, the owners of the 30 NBA franchises today reported their change of title to Team Governor is already yielding huge benefits. “I feel so less racist!” They also report…
The Washington DC area is effectively closed off today as highways are clogged with outgoing traffic in all lanes. All flights out are fully booked and incoming aircraft are turning around. The cause of the…
Original content creator Amazon has responded to Christians demanding that its new highly publicized show Good Omens be canceled, saying the series has been personally greenlit by God. “We checked in with him during pre-production…
Boeing corporation has finally accepted what its market researchers have been warning for a while – that its latest nosediving-into-the-ground feature introduced into its aircraft is not playing well with picky consumers. “Flyers have certain…
(John McCain City, UK) The United Kingdom has announced that it will be renaming everything “John McCain” for a period in June that coincides with the State Visit by US President Donald Trump. A government…
(Toyko, Japan) The island nation of Japan is reeling today after by struck by a violent force of nature that sent reverberations over a large area. “There was terrifying initial strike and we expect many…
A forceful tweet by President Trump has saved the United States from certain domination by the Islamic Republic of Iran, which would have seen all aspects of American life controlled by the Supreme Leader Ali…
Speaking to the graduating class at Liberty University, Vice-President Mike Pence had some words of warning for the upstanding good Christian men in the crowd. “Be prepared to be ridiculed for calling your wives and…
The White House has confirmed that Robert James Ritchie, aka Kid Rock, will be presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom in addition to Tiger Woods as was announced previously. “The President will be pleased…
With Julian Assange under arrest, former pet Embassy Cat has reportedly signed a multi-million dollar book deal covering the years he spent with the WikiLeaks founder. As the only mammal in the room with Assange…
Saying that it totally backed up his four page summary, Attorney General Bill Barr today released the Mueller report in full with only some necessary light redaction performed. He said the delay had been due…
The President has ordered the U.S. Military on full alert, having learned a devastating attack upon the American way of life is imminent, possible in a matter of hours. Generals from all branches of the…
NASA has denied charges of incompetence and misogyny after a planned all-female spacewalk had to be abandoned after there weren’t enough spacesuits available in women’s sizes for it to go ahead. Controllers have denied they…
President Trump today emphatically rejected accusations that his views and behavior helped provide the oxygen for the recent massacre in by a White Supremacist in New Zealand. “We have totally different white supremacist ideologies. So…
Facebook has defended itself from charges that it should have done more to prevent the live broadcast of the horrific massacre at a mosque in New Zealand. “You’re talking about monitoring people’s behaviors and preferences,…
