Senior Police officials are apologizing today after it emerged that a concerned citizen who called for their assistance is still in fact alive and well.

“The public has certain expectations of law enforcement when they call 911 and today we did not live up to those expectations.”

It has also come to light that the officers on the scene activated their mandatory body cameras as soon as they arrived, which recorded the entire incident in which very little happened despite there being people around at the address.

“Not only was there the person who called us there, but also a number of other family members, and a small dog which I am ashamed to say is still with us.”

But it was the actions of law enforcement after they arrived that are deemed the most problematic.

“We believe they took time to ascertain the situation, when they could have raced towards the first person they saw and shot that person ten times for being close enough to knife them should they have had a knife, something that looks like it could have be a knife, or one or more working hands.”

The officers involved have been put on administrative leave pending a thorough internal investigation.

“They have a lot of explaining to do.”