The first full meeting of Mike Pence’s coronavirus task force failed to make much headway today, as members failed to agree on a number of key issues. Problems began almost immediately when a microbiologist, during the course of a brief introduction to how viruses work, mentioned that they had been around for many millions of years.

“How can that be when the Earth is only 6000 years old?”

Setting aside the issue of how old the Earth was, the medical experts moved on to how the ability of the virus to rapidly evolve presented a huge challenge. Pence and a number of others persent in the room again objected.

“Evolution is a hoax, so you might want to revisit that.”

Instead they put all the science aside and emphasized this was really about containment and hygiene to prevent the virus spreading all around the globe. But that also led to deadlock.

“Um, you can’t go ‘around’ something that’s flat. Duh!”

Everyone did agree to a proposal to begin stockpiling masks, but only if the manufacturers can confirm they are suitable.

“For does it not say in Leviticus 19:19: nor shall you wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material.”

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