Disease modelers today warned courts in the United States are facing an acute danger of being overrun by a rash of meritless filings and lawsuits that could overwhelm the system within days, according to the latest predictions.

Front-line clerks and judges are already said to be close to exhaustion after being flooded with countless meritless cases without any evidence to back them up, according to medical experts.

“There’s only so many bullshit affidavits you can read before it takes a toll on your mental health.”

Other injuries with a rapidly rising incidence rate include eye-roll strain and lockjaw. Contact tracers say they have been successful in locating the outbreak’s patient – one Rudy Giuliani of New York City – who they warn is still highly infectious.

“He remain dangerously virulent, shedding meritless lawsuits all across the country.”

Predicting where he will appear next has proven challenging, as he is known to infect many places beyond the court rooms and swanky conference facilities you would normally expect.

“He’s capable of popping up anywhere – Civil War battlefields, landscaping company parking lots – you name it.”

Fortunately they say this pathology does eventually go away on its own, though it is extremely unpleasant in the interim.

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