Extreme Cold Causes Mitch McConnell To Fully Retract His Head

Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell apologized to colleagues today if his voice was unclear, blaming the persistent cold weather.

“Below a certain temperature, retracting my head into my body becomes an involuntary action over which I have no control.”

He explained it was a protective mechanism that can also be triggered if he is startled.

“Don’t worry as it’s all part of my normal physiology.”

McConnell said as soon as he got inside and warmed up, his head should gradually emerge again.

“As anyone familiar with my Senate record knows, I’m a cold-blooded creature, so cold weather presents a particular challenge.”

5 Comments on "Extreme Cold Causes Mitch McConnell To Fully Retract His Head"

  1. The Turdle is cold!

  2. What have we here? Oh I know, it’s an uncircumcised penis!

  3. This meme is a lie. The Senator from the great state of Cohporayshun nevah closes his mouth—if only that was possible.

  4. Molly mcFartface | February 1, 2019 at 10:10 pm | Reply

    Turtling. Just like most dicks do when it’s cold.

  5. Generally he goes back into his terrarium when it gets cold.

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