God Raptures Pennsylvania Legislator In Damage Control Exercise

(Harrisburg, PA) Pennsylvania’s State Legislature was treated to a mini version of the rapture today when one of their members was summoned to God’s side by ascending abruptly into the heavens.

The miraculous occurrence happened as freshman GOP
State Representative Stephanie Borowicz invoked the name of Jesus no less than 13 times during a prayer preceding the swearing in of the legislature’s first Muslim woman.

“When she hit the ninth ‘Jesus’ the roof opened up and I knew something was happening.”

GOP members quickly tried to call their fallen friends and relatives to say goodbye and wished their Democrat colleagues luck dealing with the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. However it soon became clear this rapture was focused solely on Rep. Borowicz.

“I guess God figured that was the quickest way to put an end to what she was doing.”

Reached for comment, Jesus described the event as ‘unfortunate’ and ‘not what I’m about at all’. He added that the uni-rapturing of Borowicz was a mistake in hindsight.

“Because now we’re stuck with her up here.”

5 Comments on "God Raptures Pennsylvania Legislator In Damage Control Exercise"

  1. Sandra J. Gander | March 28, 2019 at 2:56 am | Reply

    She wants to live in a Christian Country… I challenge her to find one!

  2. Ricardo Madrazo | March 27, 2019 at 11:07 pm | Reply

    Hey Robert Schildt — you and Borowicz can go sell that fire and brimstone nonsense to any rubes left who are still stupid enough to believe that. The rest of us will continue to live a moral life in the 21st century without the need for threats of eternal damnation. I don’t need negative incentives in order to be a decent human being.

  3. Robert Schildt | March 27, 2019 at 10:53 pm | Reply

    Can make fun all you want but you better have Jesus as your Savior or you will experience the fires of hell God is not mocked!!

  4. Jerry Dickerson | March 27, 2019 at 10:05 pm | Reply


  5. Sarah Allison | March 27, 2019 at 9:04 pm | Reply

    What the🎄is going on here.

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