Like many non-essential workers, local data scientist Greg Pistella has been ordered to work from home as part of the effort to prevent the spread of coronavirus. Used to being in an open-plan office environment, Pistella says telecommuting takes some getting used to for the uninitiated.

“It’s a big responsibility as it’s now up to me to manage myself without the customary oversight I am used to.”

He says he is up to the task, however, and has wasted no time setting up a work area and downloading Zoom to be able to host virtual meetings with colleagues. Neverthereless there are potential pitfalls he says you have to watch out for.

“I may be at work but I’m also in my home so there’s an ever-present temptation to grab a snack from the fridge, flip on the TV, or spank one out in the toilet – or anywhere else for that matter.”

Pistella has addressed this problem head on by ‘acting as his own boss’ and laying down a set of home workplace rules that he, as the employee, must follow.

“I can be quite strict with myself when I need to be, though I also understand the need to make allowances for my needs.”

Greg admits the devil is in the details so the the only work he has accomplished so far is refining his work-at-home policies which have grown into a sizable instruction manual he has yet to finish.

“There are just so many things to consider, such as am I allowed more internet browsing time than I allow myself at work? Or, if I skip a masturbation break, is it use-or-lose or do I get to bank it for later?”

The experience has given Greg a new appreciation for the managers and Human Resources department at his workplace and the difficulties they face.

“Managing people so they work productively is much harder than I thought. You’ll have to excuse me now as my next break is coming up.”