West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin was under renewed scrutiny today after a massive pile of coal was discovered in his Washington DC office. Further investigations focusing on his West Virginia home uncovered even larger stockpiles that he has been unable to explain.
“There’s coal everywhere. Even the attic is full of it.”
In addition, what was believed to be a swimming pool on the property is actually a giant lake of oil, which experts say could be worth a small fortune.
“They don’t call it black gold because it’s worthless.”
The revelation is expected to further complicate Manchin’s problem of being seen to be in the hands of the fossil fuel industry, especially as he seeks to torpedo clean energy proposals in President Biden’s infrastructure bill. But White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said there was no reason to give up hope just yet.
“Given what we now know of how Senator Manchin operates, I guess we’re just going to have to bribe him with a shitload of free solar panels and wind turbines to get this thing passed.”