Potato Head Announces He Is Changing His Name To ¥ȹᴔ∫43Ω

The child’s toy formally known as Mr Potato Head criticized owner Hasbro today for using his name as part of their latest virtue signaling initiative. While he agrees taking steps to reduce gender bias is a good thing in general, he says this is a lazy gesture that doesn’t go far enough.

“How about committing to a company-wide equal pay review and introducing a new line of non-binary root-vegetable-themed toys instead of forcing me to order new personalized stationary?”

Recognizing that a name change was inevitable, Potato Head – as he is legally now known – has gone one step further and decided to take on a completely new name of his own choosing.

“It’s going to be  ¥ȹᴔ∫43Ω through there are still some legal hurdles to overcome. Fortunately Elon Musk and his lovely partner Grimes are helping me.”

Though he anticipates blowback from some parents, he says they should support him if they care about their children’s education.

“Kids who want to say or spell my name will now have to learn multiple alphabets, some calculus, and develop a rudimentary understanding of the unicode standard.”

However he suspects there will be certain individuals who will never respect his preferred name choice no matter what it is.

“There’s always that one kid that who insists on calling you Mister Poopy Head and then laughs like a demented jackel for ten minutes straight.”

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