STEELERS BRIEF: Saying he was keen to get on with the next chapter of his life, Ben Roethlisberger has elected to turn into an unfit bloated shell of his former self on the very first day of his post NFL career instead of declining over a period of months or years. Local sports journalists said they were not surprised that Big Ben would go ‘all in’ like this from the start, though they were impressed with Roethlisberger’s ability to regrow his lockdown Yukon Cornelius beard seemingly overnight. “That’s the kind of dedication when the chips are down that made him so great on the field.” Asked what can be expected of him going forward, Roethlisberger said he plans to go on a repertory tour of Carson Street where he will both intrigue and terrify Pittsburgh’s party crowd as he launches into bitter tirades whilst propping up the bar. Said the two-time Super Bowl winner, “It’s going to be wild.”