STEELERS BRIEF: The front office at Heinz Field has announced a partnership with the NFL and a leading textile manufacturer to sell a new version of the Terrible Towel redesigned to better suit the current state of the Steelers organization. Made of highly absorbent Japanese cotton, the towel is intended not to be waved but instead to absorb the tears of fans as they realize their team is now a pitiful shadow of its former self. Those who have already stockpiled regular versions of the terrible towel are advised to double- or even triple-up to accommodate the flow of tears future performances are likely to elicit. Also coming soon is a Terrible Pillow for fans to scream into every time Big Ben throws an interception or the Steelers fall behind to mediocre teams because they have ‘run out of plays’.

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