As they settle down to a financially independent life in North America, Meghan & Harry announced they have taken the first mandatory step towards becoming commercially viable mega-celebrities in the social media age.

“The sextape has been filmed and will be leaked any day now.”

Though there are many paths and interests they could pursue to great reward, experts on influencer culture said there are some aspects of establishing a commercial mega-celebrity empire are essential.

“Obviously there’s an established template to follow here which is to first release a sextape.”

Harry admitted releasing a sextape was not exactly his ‘cup of tea’ but said you have to follow proper business practice and do things the right way.

“It’s not like it’s my first rodeo being seen in the buff by the public anyway.”

The Duchess of Sussex added that, just like preparing a meal from scratch, the prepwork is a pain but still has to be done.

“It’ll be good to know that the mundane groundwork – like filing for trademarks and releasing a sextape – is out of the way.”