Following his non-appearance at a coronavirus press briefing, everyone is wondering where Dr. Fauci is. The answer finally came when President Trump confirmed he has reassigned the infectious disease researcher to carry out another very important task.

“I have asked the good doctor to devote all his efforts to finding a cure for windmill cancer.”

Trump said he came to the decision after hearing Dr. Fauci’s comments on the Sunday morning talk shows, and immediately realized his skills were being wasted where he was.

“This terrible cancer is set to claim so many lives – it makes the coronavirus look weak. Very weak.”

But the President assured everyone that he had a full-time replacement for Fauci, who had already completed one press conference in his stead.

“I have asked my great Attorney General, Bill Barr, to take over Dr. Fauci’s role managing this pandemic in addition to his important work rounding up toilet paper bandits.”

Trump added that he is also considering assigning the Surgeon General to assist Dr. Fauci in the search for a windmill cancer cure in the coming days or weeks. Again he assures the public that this won’t compromise the coronavirus response in any way.

“I already have an excellent future coronavirus task member available to fill his shoes called Sheriff David Clarke.”

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