(Mar-a-Lago, FL) Former President Trump’s office announced that he will be delivering the first ever “State of the Sulk” address tonight to coincide with the State of the Union address by President Biden. Though the main message – that the state of his sulk is still butthurt – will surprise nobody, aides say there will be details that will be of interest.
“Be prepared for a program of new feuds and disgruntlements to be announced for the coming year, as well as a renewed emphasis on some longstanding ones you may have forgotten about.”
As he did during his SOTU addresses, Trump will be inviting a number of guests, though in keeping with the nature of this new address all of them will be triggered in some way or have proven themselves to be extreme right-wing snowflakes.
“We will be welcoming Senator Marco Rubio, who cannot attend the State of the Union address because he won’t take a COVID test because he’s scared or thinks it makes him less of a man or something. Which make him a perfect State of the Sulk guest!”
An appearance by video-link will be made by Russian President Vladimir Putin, who is also sulking because the Ukrainians are being mean to him by not rolling over and dying in the face of his military adventurism. Those close to Trump say he is very excited at the prospect of reconnecting with his good friend.
“There’s nothing like the company of a like-minded narcissist when you’re having a big old pity party for yourself!”